i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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