Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
