I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
