I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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