I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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