Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the day after is always just damage control
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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