This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
