ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
