things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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