Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
