erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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