its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
