Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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