Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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