An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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