Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
