dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just had sex bonerless
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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