glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
