you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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