you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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