I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
