I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize