i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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