Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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