Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
