I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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