i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
