I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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