Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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