I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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