I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He passed out mid-signature
she told me i tasted like america
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
