I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
