Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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