There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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