i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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