Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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