Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
