Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
