when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
