I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Vodka?
Forever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize