he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
