I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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