girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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