There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
