dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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