This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
