I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
