my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
