Just fell off a train. Bad.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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