it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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