I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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