So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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