This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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